The Advice given by My Dad That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who still absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a respite - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."